Where am I now?

I haven't wrote on this in such a long time. I was just so busy that I forgot this blog even existed. So me and Tagan are exactly where we were. Best friends, I wont forget about all the things we did and all the things we went through to get where we are now. My mother has been trying so hard to convince me that being friends with her isn't the best thing for me. The honest truth is nothing is going to be the "Best" for me. I know what I'm doing and I'm not just going to let this person, my best friend in the whole universe just to walk out of my life. I let all these people around me with all their opinions and crazy emotions get inside my head. It hurts me sometimes how much PEOPLE can put you down, I even started to think that God who created man was a mistake. All we do is destroy everything in sight. Everything around us is slowly dying and we don't even care. What is wrong with this planet? I'm only here to destroy. Created by "The great destroyer." -(Nine inch nails.)

I can't wait to turn 18, I have less than a year now. I'm not sure what to do. What I'm going to do with this "future" of mine if there is one for me. Once again I found my life a mess. I find everything I have ever done a freaking mess. I don't even care about anything I hope one day something will come to me and BOOM just like that my life is already set. Anyways until tomorrow I will tell you more about this LIFE of mine.

Still breathing

The beating of my feet hit hard against the pavement, but the wrath of my fury grew stronger with each step, and it kept me going. I try not to think, but thinking comes with breathing so even I can't escape painful memories. I don't know why, but it makes me sad to know how happy I once was. I had everything; I just didn't realize how lucky I was and it just seems unreal, like all those happy memories belong to someone else. I try to distance myself from the problems I create, realizing that it was all my fault, and for that I have no one to blame but me. Even though I would like to put the guilt on someone else's shoulders, in the end i'm just tormenting myself. Let me tell you it isn't easy, it's not the part of life worth living for but i'm still here, I have thought about this long and hard. Forcing myself to keep running the path I've been down over and over and it is not what I want. The energy in me is empty, my heart is empty, but it's still beating and the road ahead keeps going, it's almost never ending. I can't go back anymore I just can't. Running a trail a million times and I've never seen what was around me, the birds that fly through the trees, the sound of the river rushing through my head; It is absolutely beautiful the amazing things you miss if you just run right past it, enjoy the little things that life offers you. Last night I had a moment of reality remembering not only am I someone who doesn't move on but I remember things forever. I need to let go, even if it is hard I need to move on and learn to live.