Saturday, June 12, 2010
The beating of my feet hit hard against the pavement, but the wrath of my fury grew stronger with each step, and it kept me going. I try not to think, but thinking comes with breathing so even I can't escape painful memories. I don't know why, but it makes me sad to know how happy I once was. I had everything; I just didn't realize how lucky I was and it just seems unreal, like all those happy memories belong to someone else. I try to distance myself from the problems I create, realizing that it was all my fault, and for that I have no one to blame but me. Even though I would like to put the guilt on someone else's shoulders, in the end i'm just tormenting myself. Let me tell you it isn't easy, it's not the part of life worth living for but i'm still here, I have thought about this long and hard. Forcing myself to keep running the path I've been down over and over and it is not what I want. The energy in me is empty, my heart is empty, but it's still beating and the road ahead keeps going, it's almost never ending. I can't go back anymore I just can't. Running a trail a million times and I've never seen what was around me, the birds that fly through the trees, the sound of the river rushing through my head; It is absolutely beautiful the amazing things you miss if you just run right past it, enjoy the little things that life offers you. Last night I had a moment of reality remembering not only am I someone who doesn't move on but I remember things forever. I need to let go, even if it is hard I need to move on and learn to live.